An Experiment: Why Abused Women Don't Leave!?
The following has been excerpted from the book,
The Battered Woman, by clinical psychologist,
Dr. Lenore E. Walker (1979), who is known as the
mother of "The Battered Woman Syndrome." We
thank Dr. Walker for this very important research.
Dr. Walker is a full Professor at Nova Southeastern
University for Psychological Studies in Florida and
heads the Forensic Psychology Department in the
doctoral program. She is the supervisor in the
practicum program for forensic students at various
sites in Broward and Miami/Dade Counties and has
worked closely with the courts of therapeutic
jurisprudence, especially the nation's first mental
health court. She is the author of 13 books
(Walker website 2004)
Dr. Walker summarizes the research of American
experimental psychologist, Martin E. P. Seligman,
who was born on August 12, 1942, in Albany, New
York. He is an authority on depression, abnormal
psychology, optimism and pessimism, and the theory
of "learned helplessness." He is the father of
Positive Psychology, the director of the Positive
Psychology Center, and Albert A. Fox Leadership
Professor of Psychology in the Department of
Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania.
Dr. Seligman has written more than 20 books and
170 articles on motivation and personality.
We thank Dr. Seligman for this very important
research (Seligman website 2007).
In The Battered Woman, Dr. Walker explains a theory about battered women based on three years of exhaustive case studies. She explicates how the three-stage battering cycle, together with the "learned helplessness" syndrome, keeps the battered woman trapped in her abusive situation. Dr. Walker discovered that the battered woman can be almost ANY woman - she is not some neurotic who wants to be beaten. But all too often she tends to remain in the battering relationship because, much like Pavlov's dogs (Ivan Pavlov, the Russian physiologist, serendipitously discovered a type of learning known as "classical conditioning."), she has become trapped in a "learned helplessness" syndrome. The victim is convinced that nothing she does can help her, so she rarely even tries to get out of the abusive relationship.
(I.) The following is a reasonable facsimile of Martin Seligman's experiments of "learned helplessness:"
(A.) Dr. Seligman and his researchers placed dogs in cages and administered electrical shocks to the dogs at random and varied intervals. These dogs quickly learned that no matter what they did, they could not escape the shock.
- At first the dogs tried to escape the shocks through various movements. When nothing they did stopped the shocks, the dogs stopped trying to escape. They became passive and submissive.
- When the researchers tried to teach the dogs that they could escape by crossing to the other side of the cage, the dogs still did not respond.
- Even when the doors of the cages were left open and the dogs were shown the way out, they remained passive. They did not leave. And, they did not avoid the shock.
- It took repeated dragging of the dogs through the opened doors of the cages to teach them how to leave the cages again.
- The earlier in life that the dogs received the abusive treatment, the longer it took to overcome the effects of the so-called "learned helplessness."
- Once the dogs learned that they could escape the shock (the abuse), the helplessness that they had learned disappeared.
(B.) Similar experiments have been performed on other species, including cats, fish, rodents, birds, primates, and humans, with the same kind of results. The following experiment demonstrating "learned helplessness" occurred in rats.
Newborn rats were held in the experimenter's hand until all attempts to escape stopped. The rats were then released. This procedure was repeated several more times.
The rats were then placed in a vat of water:
- Within 30 minutes, the rats subjected to the "learned helplessness" drowned.
- Many did not even attempt to swim, and sank to the bottom of the vat immediately.
- Untreated rats can swim up to 60 hours before drowning.
- Since the rats were all physically capable of learning to swim to stay alive, it was believed that the rats drowned because of the psychological effect - they had learned from their abuse to be helpless - they had "learned helplessness."
This concept helps in understanding why battered women do not attempt to free themselves from the battering situation (besides fearing being maimed or killed). Once abused women, or abused men, are operating from a belief of "helplessness," the belief becomes real and they become passive and submissive - helpless. The battered victim's behavior appears similar to Dr. Seligman's dogs and rats.
(Today, such experiments would not be done on dogs... because it would be considered animal cruelty.)
(II.) Battered women are not constantly being abused. One of the most striking discoveries in Dr. Walker's research interviews was a definite battering cycle that battered women experience. The 3 clear phases of the battering cycle are:
- the tension-building phase
- the explosion or acute battering incident
- the calm, loving respite, the period of reconciliation, "the honeymoon stage," during which the contrite batterer seduces his victim into remaining with him by showering her with gifts, affection, and tearful promises never to do it again - she is, after all, his only hope!!!
And the cycle begins again....
(We think the moral of the story is: The earlier in life a victim is in an abusive relationship, and the longer a victim is in an abusive relationship, the more difficult it is to get out!)




I'm not sure what your aim was for this post, but I thought I'd share my story.
I knew my situation wasn't normal but I honestly believed if I changed my behavior, he'd stop beating me. But the problem wasn't mine; it was his.
I would've left him sooner if I'd had help. A pregnant woman telling her friends & family she's being beaten is an incredible situation to have to fathom, especially when things "seemed ok".
Once I figured out the situation wasn't going to change because he refused to go to counseling, I left. And never looked back.
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MM: Thanks for helping us by sharing your experience. I feel so bad for you! How horrific but common, abuse while pregnant! I'll bet the public doesn't even consider that. I'm glad you left sooner rather than later! Because it only gets worse! It makes me angry that leaders don't publicize alot where abused women/men can get help!
I think one point the researchers are trying to make is that the longer victims stay in abusive relationships, the more difficult it is to break free.
You are absolutely correct! The victim is always the (abuser's) excuse but NEVER the reason (for the abuse)!
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I was in an abusive relationship for over 3 years ... and I married him after the abuse started! I never told anyone because I just didn't think it was anyone's business. My mother raised me that personal things stay personal. I was taught to never even ask what someone paid for rent as that was personal. Anyway, after physical, mental and verbal abuse for 3 years I filed for divorce but before that I left him. I was about 6 months pregnant when he kicked me in the stomach. I had taken the abuse, never fought back because I didn't want to hit someone I loved (and I did believe I loved him) and I could have hurt him. He was 5'6", I'm 6'3". But when he kicked my baby, I looked him in the eyes and said, "If you ever hit me or my baby again, I will kill you!" And he knew I was serious. Protecting me was no big deal but protecting my child was. I packed up a few weeks after she was born and moved. He found us and actually made serious changes in his life. He quit drinking and doing drugs, got a steady job and got us a decent house and even began to attend religious services with me and got baptized. But about a year later he began cheating on me again and slapped me in the face in front of my daughter. The next day I met with a lawyer, filed for divorce and haven't seen him since the day he appeared in court to contest the divorce. THAT was a joke!
Why did I stay? Why did I marry a man that was already slamming me into brick walls, leaving me at restaurants with no way to pay the check, punching me in the throat and ripping my night gown off in a drug-induced attack in our apt, ridiculing me for being fat (I weighed 160 lbs) and more? Well, it could be that I saw my father hit my mother. It could be because my mother verbally and emotionally abused me all my life (and still did until she died a few years ago). Could be because I never had men going after me and to find one that wanted to stick with me, I guess I believed him when he'd tell me that no one wanted me but him. But I know that one day I woke up and I have never turned back. My daughter was told the truth about her father and raised to never allow a man to hit her once, abuse her once ... NOT ONCE and she has learned well. I will always be grateful to my unborn daughter for saving both of us because if he had not kicked me when I was pregnant with her, I probably never would have thought I was worthy of leaving him.
All I can say to any woman or man in an abusive relationship is LEAVE. You ARE worthy of protecting yourself. And the longer you stay, the more your abuser knows they can abuse you. At the VERY FIRST SIGNS of abuse - LEAVE. I cannot stress that strong enough. LEAVE. Don't accept apologies, don't accept tears, promises, gifts or anything. JUST LEAVE.
JUST LEAVE.
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The conference featured many domestic violence dissidents--researchers and clinicians who do not believe that the mainstream domestic violence establishment and its "men as perpetrators/women as victims" conceptual framework is properly serving those involved in family violence.
When discussing male victims of domestic violence on the radio, I'm often asked "Why don't they just leave?" My response has always been that they are in a difficult Catch-22:
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Recently i came to know your blog & also i agree to this & i think victim should as fast as get out of that thing.
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Thanks for helping us by sharing your experience. I feel so bad for you! How horrific but common, abuse while pregnant! I'll bet the public doesn't even consider that. I'm glad you left sooner rather than later! Because it only gets worse! It makes me angry that leaders don't publicize alot where abused women/men can get help!
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Is there any scientific study about the other side of the picture. I mean what is pushing the abuser to do such things if he really loves his partner. That should be studied too.
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When love is in the picture, even physically abused or battered ego can't part lovers away. They even become submissive. That's why Psychologist are carefully studying this issue especially on women. There is a battering stage,courting & reconciliation stage and then here we go again! The cycle begins...
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I think this case should be reported to law for the further continue of investigation.
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It has been an issue for decades about abused women. We need to give them protection by giving the culprits the necessary penalty. Abused women should also be aware of this and they need to be cooperative to avoid future incidents.They tend not to leave their partner because of insecurity and love.
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You have the point. But just wanna add, they don't that easy because of their children as well.
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Thanks for this extract. I was interested in this question long ago. I read a lot of explanations (I found some books about it at the files search engine http://rapid4me.com ). And the heart of the matter is always the same. But noone can say how to avoid it except leaving the person.
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I was serious. Protecting me was no big deal but protecting my child was. I packed up a few weeks after she was born and moved. He found us and actually made serious changes in his life. He quit drinking and doing drugs, got a steady job and got us a decent house and even began to attend religious services with me and got baptized....
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Nice post,
The Battered Woman this is very interesting book, i have just read it and there are alot of points that i wanted to research,
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You are absolutely right that leaving an abuser without a safety plan is a suicide. I don't say that victims of abusive relaationships got what they deserve - not at all. I am just saying that very often the victim doesn't do anything to help her situation - even when she can. And one thing I certainly don't understand is how women can be proud to have a partner, when he is just a beast and can easily beat them to death. But I guess people are different.
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There are many aspects to be considered when asking this question. It usually comes down to children. Mothers tend to be more attached to them and will not leave their abusing husbands because they want their children to grow up in a family environment.
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A battered woman leaves her partner an average of seven times before she breaks with him permanently. She doesn't return because she is stupid or gullible or a masochist. She returns because she doesn't want to just give up on someone she loves and has planned a future with. She returns because her children miss their daddy. She returns because she hopes that the future will be better. She returns because she hopes that she will be better.
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This is a verbatim copy of a letter from a battered woman on the subject of why battered wives don’t leave home and perpetuates another stereotype that battered women stay with abusive men for such vague reasons as low self-esteem.
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It's not an easy question to answer. In fact, various experts have been trying to answer it for generations. In the 1920s, social workers claimed that battered women were mentally retarded. In the 1940s, psychologists found a new answer: Battered women don't leave because they're masochists. They actually like it
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